Part 2: Creating Balance and Building Connection in Your Sex Life

4. Desire Can Change Over Time

In every relationship, there are ebbs and flows in sexual desire. It’s natural that one partner may initiate more often during certain periods, and that’s okay! There are times when stress, fatigue, or emotional challenges might lower one partner’s libido. During these times, the other partner may take the lead more often.

However, if you notice that one partner is consistently the initiator over a long period, it’s worth exploring what might be going on. Are there unspoken fears, shame, or misconceptions about sex that are holding one partner back? Or perhaps, there are unresolved issues in the relationship that are impacting desire. Having an honest conversation about what’s going on can help you both reconnect and realign your needs.

5. The Power of Invitation

Sometimes, initiating sex doesn’t have to be a grand gesture or a direct ask. It can be a soft, inviting touch, a lingering kiss, or even a playful text message. Initiation is about creating an atmosphere where both partners feel desired and ready to connect.

If you or your partner struggles with initiating sex directly, try experimenting with subtle cues or gestures. Building a strong foundation of trust and openness can make it easier for both of you to express your desires without fear.

6. Breaking Free from Gender Expectations

It’s time to break free from the idea that one gender has to take charge of initiating sex. Women, you are allowed to express your sexual desires, and it doesn’t make you “too forward” or “aggressive.” Men, you are allowed to feel desired and to be pursued by your partner without feeling emasculated.

The healthiest sexual relationships are those where both partners feel free to initiate sex whenever they feel the desire to connect. It’s about letting go of societal expectations and embracing what works best for your unique relationship.

7. How to Start the Conversation

If you’re feeling a little stuck when it comes to initiating sex or you feel like the burden is falling on one person too often, it’s time for a conversation. Here are a few conversation starters to open up the dialogue:

• “I’ve noticed that I’ve been initiating sex more often lately. How do you feel about that?”

• “I love it when you initiate sex because it makes me feel desired. Can we both try to take turns?”

• “I sometimes hold back from initiating because I’m not sure if you’re in the mood. How can we be more open about this?”

These conversations can help break down barriers, reduce the fear of rejection, and create an open space for mutual intimacy.

Conclusion: The Power of Mutual Initiation

So, who should initiate sex? The answer is simple: both of you. Sex should be a shared experience that reflects the desires and passions of both partners. Whether it’s a whispered suggestion, a playful touch, or simply expressing how much you’re craving connection, initiation is an act of love and intimacy.

The key is communication, openness, and mutual respect. When both partners feel empowered to express their desires, it creates a rich and fulfilling sexual connection that brings joy, intimacy, and trust into the relationship.

Remember: Sex is about connection. Don’t let the fear of “who should start” keep you from enjoying the beautiful experience of sharing intimacy with your partner. Take turns, be open, and most importantly, have fun with it!