No, Thats Not Normal
Alright, listen up, sis — let’s keep it real for a sec. Sex is supposed to be good, right? But if you’re out here wincing, clenching, or feeling like your body’s putting up a “No Entry” sign, that ain't it. Whether you’re fresh to the game, newly married, or been with your boo for years, if sex hurts, I’m here to tell you straight up:
No, that’s not normal.
Pain during sex is your body’s way of saying, “Uh-uh, something’s off.” And if you’ve been wondering if it’s just you — girl, you are definitely not alone. This two-part series is gonna break it all the way down for you, no sugarcoating, so you can understand what’s going on with your body and how to fix it.
Real Talk: Pain Ain’t Normal
Before we get into the nitty-gritty, let’s set the record straight. If sex is painful, it’s not something you should just “tough it out” through or ignore. Your body ain’t tryna play you — it’s trying to tell you something is wrong. And yes, there are actual medical names for what might be going on, so don’t go thinking you’re imagining stuff.
For some, it might be a matter of just needing a lil’ more prep time, like more foreplay or using lube. But if you’re consistently feeling pain, it could be something more serious, like vaginismus or vulvodynia. And no, you don’t have to suffer in silence.
The 411: What’s Vaginismus vs. Vulvodynia?
Let’s break it down, because these two conditions get confused way too often. Knowing what’s up with your body can help you find the right support and get back to feeling like your best self.
1. Vaginismus
Okay, vaginismus is when the muscles down there get all tight and tense — like your body’s trying to shut the door before anyone can come in. It’s not something you can control, and it can happen whether you’re new to sex or have been getting it on for a minute. Folks who experience this say it feels like hitting a wall when trying to insert anything — finger, tampon, penis, you name it.
Why does this happen?
Fear or anxiety around sex (yup, your mind and body are connected)
Trauma or bad past experiences
Growing up where talking about sex was a big no-no
Not knowing much about your body or how it works
But here’s the good news: vaginismus can be treated. There are exercises, pelvic floor therapy, and sometimes just learning to relax (and breathe, girl!) that can make a world of difference.
2. Vulvodynia
Now, vulvodynia is a whole different vibe. It’s not about muscle clenching — it’s chronic pain that affects the outer area of your goodies (aka the vulva). You might feel a burning, stinging, or just plain soreness. And here’s the kicker — it can hurt even when you’re not trying to have sex. Just sitting down can be a whole issue.
What causes it?
Nerve irritation or damage
Hormones going haywire
Past infections or inflammation
Sensitivities to products like soaps or even your fave scented bath bombs
The struggle to figure this out is real, but once you know what’s up, there are options like medication, physical therapy, and even changing up your self-care routine.
Your Turn to Connect
Newlyweds: Is sex not living up to the hype you’ve been hearing about? Are there things you’re too shy to tell your partner? (Girl, it’s okay to be honest!)
Long-time married folks: Have you noticed a change in your sex life lately? Is there something you’ve been brushing off that might need a real convo?
Take some time to talk to your partner about what’s really going on. Trust me, having that open dialogue can be a game-changer for both your sex life and your relationship.
Stay tuned for Part 2, where we’ll talk about what to do if you’re dealing with pain, how to bring it up with your partner (without it getting awkward), and what kinds of resources can actually help you out. Sis, there’s hope, and you deserve to have a bomb, pain-free sex life!
